"Your Girl Is Back!!"

11th June 2021 - Adam and I had breakfast in the hospital restaurant. It was around 9 a.m. at this point and we knew surgery would last well into the afternoon. We had a room in the hotel across the road and so we headed back there so that I could shower.  We then wandered around the local Sainsburys and Dobbie's, hearts in our mouth, tear stained faces but with no where else to go (everything was still closed at that time). We could have gone home given that we only live 40 minutes away but any more than a few minutes was too far for us.

We spent the rest of the afternoon wandering aimlessly around the hospital. Time was going on and although they had told us Covid procedures meant surgeries would take longer than normal, panic was beginning to set in.  We hadn't heard anything at all since 8.30 a.m. and by about 4 p.m. it was all getting too much to bear.  We sat downstairs in the main hospital atrium, watching people come and go as clinics ended and things got quieter.  At 5 p.m. the Ward Sister passed us on her way home and asked how things had gone.  When we said we hadn't heard anything yet, she immediately phoned the ward and asked them to phone along to theatre for an update.  I am so grateful for her delaying going home to her own family for the sake of mine.

She sent us up to the ward and one of the Nurses met us there.  She was able to tell us that surgery was still on-going but that we could wait in the interview room in PICU.  

Again, we waited patiently, for a further hour or so.  At the same time, a lovely friend of mine was also in PICU with her own beautiful heart warrior.  She had been looking out for us all day.  Just as we saw a trolley being wheeled through and a brief glimpse told us it was Lucy, I received a message from my friend saying "your girl is back"! Heart parents really are all in this together!

We didn't know anything but we knew she was alive and that was good enough for us.  One of the Surgeons who had been in surgery with Lucy saw us sitting and immediately came to give us an update. He shook our hands even though Covid and all I could think of was how big and strong his hands were! These hands had helped save our girl.

Surgery had gone well. Her lung pressures were a little higher than they hoped and so she was still ventilated but she was still with us and fighting! 

It was still another hour before we could get in to see her and again, only one parent at a time allowed.  There was never any doubt who the first one would be! Almost 12 hours after I had handed her over, I was holding her hand while she slept.  I wanted to touch her so much, to feel her skin on mine but had to wear PPE so a gloved hand had to do.  I was just really glad to be holding it at all.

I don't think I was prepared to see her hooked up to so many machines again. I think you block these memories out as much as possible.  There were tubes and wires everywhere and she wasn't breathing for herself. In that moment, she looked so small and helpless and that's exactly how I felt too.

I met the Nurse who would take care of Lucy overnight.  From the second she started to speak, I knew she was the right person for Lucy. She was also a Disney fanatic.  After a million reassurances that she would call if there was anything at all, she sent us home so that we could rest and so that she and Lucy could watch Disney films on the ipad! I cannot stress enough what angels those Nurses are. They truly are the best people to care for your child when it can't be you.

Back at the hotel, utterly exhausted and emotionally drained, it wasn't long before tiredness took over and we were both fast asleep safe! 

Surgery days are like no other. You have to remind yourself to keep breathing. You have to have hope and faith in strangers. You have to find a way to get through the longest of days. But you do it. You don't have any other choice.