***GUEST POST*** Pauline Robinson - Work "mates"!
Lynn made no secret of the fact that the minute her and Adam tied the knot they wanted babies, just one would be fine to start with. I can’t remember too clearly the details of when they saw the first Consultant but I can remember Lynn becoming more and more stressed with every month that passed with no sign of a “little Thom” in her tummy.
This feels a bit strange to write down but it was difficult being Lynn’s manager and her friend at the same time. I wanted to know what was happening with her treatments and help when she was struggling but at the same time I didn’t want to cross an invisible line in case it looked like I was asking from an employment point of view. Yes, I wanted her at work because she’s my assistant and we work much better as a twosome but I also always wanted her to be off work for as long as it took for her to get over each disappointment and get herself mentally able to cope with the demands of her job and both physically and mentally able to cope with the next lot of treatment.
One of Lynn’s very good friends also works at the Practice. We were able to share how scared we were for her and Adam after each failed IVF attempt. I wanted them to be pregnant more than anything but I was also worried for Lynn’s mental health and didn’t know how she could possibly cope with any more heartache. We were well aware of how problems conceiving can split couples up, luckily Lynn and Adam were made of far sterner stuff.
During 2012 – 2013 I had some major trauma in my own life. I genuinely don’t know how I would have been able to come to work during the first months of 2012 without Lynn there, making sure I was okay and listening to me crying for hours at a time. Little did we know that by the end of that year we would be listening to each other and crying with and for each other on a rota system. Lynn was keeping her treatment “secret”, I only knew that anything was occurring because her alarm would go off each day, just before lunch, reminding her it was time to take her spray.
It got to the stage where someone would come into our room, see one or both of us crying and just politely go out again. Eventually we got a room with a porthole window in the door and the crying could be viewed before polite retreat was needed. Concealer and foundation became our best friend – none of us are what you could call “bonny greeters” and we must’ve looked a right state some days. Aw no – tears again with just typing this – at least i’ll get a quiet room today!
Before Lynn’s confirmed pregnancy in 2013 one of the other girls in the office became pregnant. We were all delighted for the new mum-to-be, including Lynn. However, I was always conscious that her excitement and delight was probably causing Lynn all sorts of agony’s and tried my best to just be there when she needed a wee chat and give her involved jobs to do to take her mind off things. When Lynn had her confirmed pregnancy test I was already well prepared and we immediately got out the maternity leave guidance docs I had printed for the last person, only months before. Then I can remember her coming back from her lunch one day and thinking she just didn’t look right. I asked “you ok?” and it was like these 2 wee words had opened a floodgate and she just cried and cried. I was getting worried and when her friend came in we said all the right things but we knew that a cuddle from us wasn’t enough and she needed Adam. When he arrived to pick her up we knew without being told that there was once again no happy ending in sight for this wee pair.
Fast forward, incase I bore you to sleep, and we’re in 2015. Lynn is pregnant and blooming, her wee bump growing and becoming more cherished every day. I enjoyed trying to get the baby’s name out of her guessing and throwing names at her every day. She told me after Lucy was born that I was the only person in the practice who had guessed her name. It would’ve been a miracle if I hadn’t, I worked my way through the alphabet of names every day. I loved having her working in my room, listening to her baby talk, and thought up all sorts of jobs for her to keep her downstairs and not up in the typing room. Ssshhh but I still do that – we function better as a twosome.
When Lynn and Adam got the news at first that there might be a problem with the baby, Adam came in to bring in Lynn’s sick line. He was in my room and his voice was all trembly. I remember saying something about the baby and his reply “if there is a baby”. Poor Adam, he obviously didn’t want to cry in front of us but I can only describe him as “stunned”, he looked like he hadn’t slept in a week. We see ourselves as a family where we work. That day nobody really spoke to each other, we didn’t know what to say and we were all feeling a bit sick, this wee unborn baby was already part of our work family.
Lynn was off work from then until her due date. I missed her but I wanted her to keep herself and her baby safe. We were work pals but didn’t really socialise out of work (except at works do’s) and so I was again in the position of thinking that making contact would look like I was hounding her back to work, nothing was further from the truth. I knew that the baby had a heart condition and would need surgery soon after birth but, like Lynn’s colleagues, I could only think as far as this wee one being born safely. And, on 10th November 2015, that was exactly what happened.
I hope that this has told you what it was like to support Lynn through her IVF, conception and pregnancy. Maybe she’ll let me write again sometime about what it’s like to support her as a “heart mummy”. I love seeing pictures of Lucy and getting a wee visit at work. It’s too easy for us to forget that she is special from the point of view of having a poorly heart, she looks as fit as a flea and she’s more special from the amazing wee stuff she does and says every day and the fact that she’s such a unique wee person."
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