***GUEST BLOG*** Nikki McCafferty - Besties!

"I remember the first time I met Adam and Lynn like it was yesterday. It was when they got engaged in March 2009. I was fairly new to the family and I remember lots of jokes of how it was about time Adam finally popped the question. The main memory I have about that day is how excited Lynn seemed, how laid back Adam was and how proud Lorna was, having brought a bottle of champagne to pop open and celebrate. It was such a happy occasion and I’m still so proud to have been there to enjoy it with them. 

In 2010, Adam and Lynn got married and it was the most perfect day. I am part of a very loving but small family so big family weddings weren’t something I was ever used to. There was lots of laughter, tears, dancing and a huge bar bill courtesy of Paul which may give some people an insight into why he doesn’t drink anymore. Thankfully for him I didn’t learn of this bar bill until after Paul and I were married and it was too late for me to escape!

Having children has always been something I have taken for granted. My idea of ‘adult life’ had been to get a job, get married, have children and grow old with my family and the people I loved. My perceptions of this have changed dramatically and I no longer see the blessing of children as a given. The turning point in my thinking was when I learned that two people who would make the most wonderful parents, who would love and cherish a child, who had devoted their life to my idea of ‘adult life’ were having trouble to conceive. Adam and Lynn.

I don’t remember the exact point that I found out things weren’t going to plan for them but I think we were all surprised that there was no baby announcement soon after their wedding. As the time ticked on and the questions started, it became apparent that things weren’t how they should be. Paul and I were so gutted for them and as soon as he was aware, Adam and Lynn became main characters in Paul’s night time prayer.

I remember the first time they told us the IVF had been successful. That night Paul and I were so excited. If ever there were people who deserved their happy ending it was them. I remember saying ‘aww maybe your prayers helped’ feeling so proud to be the other half of someone so caring and thoughtful towards his loved ones. How lucky am I to have married a person like that?!

My memory of when they told us they’d had a miscarriage is just as vivid. I was gutted to the bottom of my stomach. You know that sick feeling you get in your tummy and just can’t shake? Paul and I discussed the best way to support them and to be honest we really had no idea what to do. We also knew that there was nothing we could do that would make it better, nothing we could say that would take their pain away but we knew we had to be there for them. We didn’t want them to feel alone so we went over with flowers.

We talked, listened, laughed and cried with them. I’m ashamed to admit that there were also some very head on and abrupt jokes that at the time felt uncomfortable and too soon but I now know that they were a necessary coping mechanism. Something awful had happened and there was no pretending it hadn’t.

I have already warned Adam and Lynn that I’m embarrassed that much of their rollercoaster baby ride has merged together for me. All I can say is that I watched hope and heartache pull two people together where it could have pushed them apart. I watched how hard it was for them to commit to plans and important family occasions as they never knew where they would be with their treatment. That part really tore Lynn apart as she was conflicted between her love for her family and friends and her and Adam’s desire for a family of their own and the costs, emotionally and financially, they’d gone through to get it.

When Lynn fell pregnant with the little lady we all know and love as Lucy we were all ecstatic. They got past their 12 week scan with flying colours. This was it! Everyone started to relax and it was noticeable that Lynn finally relaxed into enjoying her pregnancy. After their 20 week scan they had something to tell us. I was so naive about what complications could exist so had no idea what was coming.

We were living at my parents’s at the time and they were in Dundee so we had the house to ourselves. We cooked fajitas-standard- and all sat down at the table. I tried not to cry when they told us and tried my best to ask sensitive questions to try to understand the situation. From what I could understand they had discovered their baby had a heart defect that there was no permanent fix for. They’d been advised that they should terminate but they had to give their baby the fighting chance it deserved.

All I can say now is thank god they did. None of us could imagine our lives without the beautiful, funny, clever, caring and thoughtful girl that we all know and love as Lucy.

Anyway I’m skipping ahead. That night when they left Paul and I hugged and cried. We had wanted to stay positive while Adam and Lynn were with us but we were devastated for them. How could this be happening?

Lynn started her maternity leave early to give herself the best chance to rest and de-stress for her and the baby’s sake. Obviously there was no chance of de-stressing given their circumstances but her and Adam were amazing! They educated themselves on the condition and what to expect and tried their best to stay positive and excited as expecting parents should be.

We were so excited when we learned that their little baby girl was on her way. We waited for news and were delighted when we heard she was here. We had planned to go and visit at the hospital but the day we were meant to go we received a secret text message. It still makes me laugh, there was a picture of them at home. They’d had to tell us to stop us going to the hospital. They had been released earlier than expected but for understandable reasons wanted to cherish the moment, just the 3 of them and all they had ever wanted in their own house together. The Clarks, Thoms and McCaffertys don’t do anything by halves and as soon as news broke out, they would be flooded with excited visitors. We went to visit as soon as we could and Lucy was just perfect. We were proud as punch!

We had all been aware that in her very tiny state Lucy would have to undergo a major heart operation to allow her heart to function as she grew bigger and stronger. The day drew nearer and the evening before she went into hospital we went to visit her. I never said it out loud but at the time I was terrified I’d never see her again. It was a strange visit as we were trying to act normally when we all knew why we were there.

Thankfully she’s a fighter and was in and out of hospital like the trooper she is. She did give her Mum and Dad a real scare but she was just keeping them on her toes. I’m not sure I could have coped like they did though and I was relieved I hadn’t been in their shoes at that moment.

This journey brings me to present day where we are so honoured to be in Lucy’s life. Adam and Lynn always amaze me with their ability to be loving, caring and protective without being over the top. It must be so hard to allow her to take the risks that young children do when they are so aware of her condition. Lucy brings us so much happiness and joy and we love her so much. To look at you would never know she’s had to be such a fighter and it’s sometimes easy to forget she isn’t like ever other little person.

When you watch her with all of those around her you can see the joy she brings. She has lots of very proud people wrapped around those tiny fingers of hers. She’s so loving and my heart melts when every time she sees me she smiles, runs towards me and stretches out her little arms. When I pick her up she wraps herself around me, buries her face into my neck and holds on. She makes me feel truly loved and that’s the best feeling ever.

Watching her with Paul and the way he responds to her makes me so excited for if/when we are lucky enough to have children. You’ll notice the words I use now - having children is no longer a given and I very much see it as a precious gift that not everyone is able to receive.

On 17th March 2017, Paul and I were honoured to be asked if we would be Lucy’s legal guardians. For very obvious reasons this is something we hope we never have to fulfil but for Adam and Lynn to trust us and recognise the love we have for Lucy is a wonderful feeling.

Another proud moment for me was when I got to attend the showcase of Lucy’s story, My Scar, My Story. Seeing her picture up there with all the other warrior heart babies was so emotional. She really is an amazing little lady.

Sadly for Adam and Lynn their dreams of a big family stops with the 3 of them and although I’ve seen how hard it’s been for them to come to terms with that, I know how blessed they feel that they have Lucy. They are the perfect little family, the 3 musketeers and although they have some tough times ahead of them, they have each other and the immense support from all of those around them."

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