Frozen Transfer - Round 1

My Sidekick, Abi!

8th November 2012; The first day of treatment for our first frozen transfer.

Following the egg retrieval and hyperstimulation, we had to wait for 2 periods before we could start medication in preparation for our first frozen embryo transfer and now the day had finally arrived and we couldn't wait to get started.

I was started on a nasal spray called Suprecur which had to be taken 4 times a day at the exact same time every day.  We had decided we were going to keep it a secret that our treatment had begun again because once we had a positive pregnancy test, we wanted to be able to do the grand reveal and surprise everyone! This made it difficult to take the nasal spray at certain times because I had set alarms on my phone at 8a.m., 12 p.m., 4p.m. and 8 p.m. and I worked full-time so was at work for most of these.  

The nasal spray is designed to reduce the hormones in your body that control ovulation (basically sending you into an early menopause). Once this takes place, further hormone replacement medication is given to then thicken up the lining of the womb which must be above 7mm before transfer can take place. If the lining is too thin, you continue longer on the medication, if its too thick, they give you even more medication to induce a bleed and you start all over again! 

A baseline scan was arranged for 26th November to check how the lining of the womb was coming along. Thankfully my body was playing ball and I was sent away with a prescription for the next lot of HRT tablets.  I was instructed to start the HRT twice a day (again at the same times each day) and to continue with the Suprecur spray. The  next scan would be 10th December. 

Once again, we took the 3 hour round trip to Dundee for a further scan (by now everyone and their Granny had become acquainted with my lady bits and dropping my drawers was second nature).  Finally we were ready to prep for the final stage of treatment by increasing the HRT medication, stopping the nasal spray (thank god because it left a terrible taste in your mouth for hours and caused the most blinding headaches). 

On 15th December, the fun stuff really began! I now had to insert a pessary (up the front or the back, whichever your preference) twice a day and 12 hours apart! Told you it was complicated trying to make a baby!

The pessaries contain Progesterone and is used to thicken the womb again so that the embryo is nice and safe once it has been transferred. You continue taking them for a further 2 weeks until you test for pregnancy and if it's positive then you take them until your 12 week scan! They literally became a pain in the ass!!

Monday 17th December was the day of truth. How many embryo's would survive the thaw. Different clinics have different processes for thawing and transferring embryos but for us, the thaw would take place on Monday, the Embryologist would phone on Tuesday with the result and transfer would take place at either day 3 or day 5 depending on how they progressed.

Waiting for that phone call was so nerve wrecking. I was up at the crack of dawn and sat in our bedroom scared to leave in case I missed it! Adam had been in the spare room because of his snoring and was still fast asleep! When the phone finally rang just after 8 a.m.my heart was in my mouth as I answered. What if none of our wee frozen embies had made it? 

The Embryologist confirmed my name and date of birth, made some small talk about how I was feeling and finally got round to sharing the news we had been waiting for.  Embryos are frozen in batches and she had defrosted the first 2 which unfortunately didn't survive the thaw. The next 2 however did and we were finally going to have them placed back where they belong. 

My heart was pounding when I got off the phone (by which time Adam had woken and was by my side). We were so relieved and proud that our wee snow babies had made it and started to get excited for our first ever embryo transfer that Friday. I couldn't stop crying.

On arrival at the ACU on Friday 21st December, we were taken to what can only be described as a cupboard with 2 chairs! We were instructed to arrive perfume and make-up free (strong smells can harm the embryos) and a full bladder.  The Embryologist came in to let us know that one more embryo hadn't made it but the final one was all prepared and ready for implantation.

We were then gowned up and taken into theatre.  I don't think I had ever been so excited in my life! Lying on the bed, legs in stirrups, full lady bits (groomed to perfection) on show to the world, and desperate for the loo! The Doctor performing the transfer again confirmed my name and date of birth, then proceeded to tell me "he was going to clean the entrance with sterile water before be began"! WTF! I was mortified at the choice of words but also the fact they were introducing flowing water into an already dodgy situation given the full bladder I currently had!!

Once the "cleaning process" was complete, he inserted a speculum (bloody agony for someone with a tilted womb) an then proceeded to insert the transfer tube into the womb.  All the time, Adam and I were able to watch this on an ultrasound screen and could actually see the tube popping through!

By this point, I was somewhat uncomfortable from the speculum and the ultrasound scanner leaning on my overflowing bladder and was just praying I would be able to contain the pee! At that, a hatch opened in the wall and a tube containing our precious embryo was passed through. Final identity checks were done and the tube was then placed inside the guide tube and as if by magic, a flash of light on the monitor indicated that the embryo has been safely transferred and to all intents and purposes, I was now carrying our very first embryo!!

We were given a scan photo which was no more than a black page with a white dot but there it was for the world to see!!

We were over the moon, mainly me because I was able to instantly pee and I can tell you, its the best pee I have had in my  life!!  

Back in the privacy of our cupboard, Adam and I got changed back into our clothes and you could not wipe the smile from our faces! We were what they call in the business PUPO (Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise).

We were given a pregnancy test and told to phone the ward on 4th January with the result.  

Slightly giddy, we set off on our drive home with baby on board ready to enjoy our last Christmas as 2 and with our secret on board!

Within a few days, my boobs were agony, I was an emotional wreck (yes, more so than normal), had cramps in my tummy and even our black lab, Abi, wouldn't leave my side. Dr Google of course diagnosed me as pregnant!! I was so excited but being our first trip down this road, I knew I should wait the full 14 days before I tested.  I didn't really mind the wait because it felt like a wee secret that only Adam and I knew about.  It was such a precious time.

Friday 4th January 2013, I got out of bed at 6 a.m. because I couldn't wait any longer for it to be official. I woke Adam much to his delight and popped into our en-suite where I had carefully laid out a sterile bowl and pregnancy test the night before and proceeded to take the test.  I was so excited I could burst!

We waited the longest 3 minutes ever and looked at the test for the 2 blue lines but only found 1.  The test was negative.

In that moment, my world crashed down around me and I broke down. How could it be negative? I had all the signs of being pregnant. Obviously the test was wrong; but it wasn't. The last 5 months had been for nothing. All the drugs, trips to Dundee, the blood thinning injections with the OHSS, it had all been pointless.

I phoned the ward to let them know the result. They sounded as devastated as I was. I didn't know the medications I was taking could mimic the signs of pregnancy. They told me to stop all the medications and let my hormones return to normal.  And that was that. Negative.

Telling everyone was so hard. We were already completely devastated without having to see how disappointed they were for us too.  It affected our relationships with people in so many ways, some for the better and some for the worse. 

I don't think I had ever been as sad or lonely in my life as I was at this point. My body had failed at the one thing it was designed to do! I felt I had let Adam down so badly and for now at least, our baby dream was over!